Bush impedes 911 investigation out of compassion for relatives of victims

President Bush said today that the $11 million needed by the 9-11 commission has not been included in the administration's supplemental war budget sent to Congress this week, out of concern for the feelings of the surviving family members.

Bush started by acknowledging that many unanswered questions remain, such as the lack of jet fighter response, the missing black boxes, the mysterious "dancing Israelis", and the possible involvement of a foreign government.

"Imagine the mental anguish of the relatives of the victims," Bush said, "if a thorough investigation reveals that elements within our own government were involved in a conspiracy to enact this terrible act of terrorism."

"Or, again," Bush continued, "imagine the harm it would cause to the relationship with our closest ally, Israel, if it turned out that the Mossad knew of the impending terrorist act because of their surveillance of the perpetrators while in America, and did not warn us."

"Or worse yet, suppose it turns out that the terrorist acts were actually planned and executed by the Mossad itself as a false flag operation, intended to implicate Islamic terrorists in order to further entangle us in Israel's battles with the Islamic world."

"And after all," Bush concluded, "no investigation will bring back the family members lost in those terrible tragedies. The sole importance of 9-11 now is to serve as a rallying cry for our continuing efforts to subdue the world militarily and exploit its natural resources for the benefit of ourselves and our business partners."