Poll results show support for American empire

In a poll conducted by Fox News yesterday, 68% of Americans said they support the establishment of an American empire, "if it brings peace to the world."

58% of those who responded to the instant TV poll said they were willing to see "longterm" budget cuts in domestic spending in order to support military occupations around the world.

By a nearly 2-to-1 margin, Americans favor the payment by subject nations of an annual "tribute" to the US, in the form of both money and conscripts for the occupation armies.

When asked what kind of empire America should have, a majority favored the British model, in which the economies of subject nations are managed by a small number of native elites for the benefit of US-based corporations.

Only 22% favored the Spanish conquistador model, which would include large-scale destruction of indigenous cultural artifacts and the forcible economic conversion to WTO-style globalization on pain of death.

The Fox network also announced the debut of a new reality show called Global Gladiators, in which prisoners of the empire, now incarcerated at Guantanamo Bay, fight to the death for a chance at marrying a bachelorette.