US Expedition Finds
Forbidden Weapons in Iraq

In a remote section of the Iraqi desert, a team of US scientists today discovered the entrance to Saddam Hussein's secret underground weapons laboratory.

The team was aided by a robot helper, nicknamed Rummy, who was especially designed and constructed to locate and destroy weapons of mass destruction.

Before descending into the secret weapons lair, members of the team conducted sophisticated tests in hopes of defusing any possible booby-traps left by the fleeing Iraqi dictator.

Inside the hidden entrance, the team found an elevator shaft that seemingly stretched for miles, leading far down into the cavernous depths of the earth.

After descending, the team was startled to discover the Director of Saddam's secret weapons program, still in hiding.

After a bit of persuading by the US team members, and some subtle mind control techniques applied by Rummy the Robot, the Director agreed to reveal the details of Saddam's underground laboratory.

In one amazing chamber, the scientists discovered Saddam's evil attempt to clone Joseph Stalin using dandruff collected from the Soviet dictator's toupee.

To the astonishment of the US scientists, the Director demonstrated a beta version of Saddam's nefarious Shrinking Ray, with which the Butcher of Baghdad had hoped to neutralize the overwhelming superiority of the invading American army.

In another chamber, the Director showed the scientists the equipment with which Saddam had intended to transfer his brain into another body, in order to escape the American authorities and continue his evil plans for world domination.

The last discovery was an extremely detailed prototype of a flying saucer, suggesting that Saddam was much further along with his space program than American intelligence had suspected.

Sources within the Bush Administration and the Pentagon now speculate that the most likely explanation for the failure to find any significant stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, as well as the failure to find Saddam himself and his family, is that the Iraqi tyrant loaded the weapons onto a working version of the flying saucer, and escaped into outer space.